Correcting Papers

Today, while correcting some students' writing exercises, I stumbled across a few amusing stories. Here, without further ado, I present them for your reading enjoyment...Oh wait...There's a little bit more "ado"...First, you have got to read the pre-written exercise the students did as practice for their stories so you can get an insider's point of reference for my anecdote.

"I went to Okinawa by plane during Spring Vacation. It was my second trip to Okinawa. I saw a beautiful sea. I took a lot of pictures there. I enjoyed my trip very much." (The students translated these sentences from Japanese to English)

Generally, the students don't even give the slightest effort to break from the mold of the exercise.

"I went to (place) during (season) vacation. It was my (ordinal number [1st, 2nd, etc]) trip to (place). I saw a beautiful (noun). I took a lot of pictures there. I enjoyed my trip very much."

Standard response: mundane, unimaginative, boring. But...every once in a while...I stumble across a diamond...beautifully shining from the rough...a siren coaxing me toward the jagged rocks of laughter...a kappa* waiting to grab me, pull me into a river, drown me and suck my life out through my anus. Wait a sec. That last one doesn't really work. Oh well. Anyway, take this one for example. Although it's pretty standard with little variation from the translation exercise, a single letter that never should have been, was. This lone, unassuming letter transforms the story from one hardly worth a second glance to one, quite literally, worth writing home about.

"I went to Hollywood by plain spring vacation. It was my first trip to Hollywood. I saw a movie. It was nice. I ate poopcorn there. I enjoyed my trip very much."

Now, although I'm sure you think of me as one of the most mature individuals you know *cough* *cough*, I can always get a laugh out of the word poop...especially if someone is accidentally writing about eating it. Ahhhh ha ha ha ha...Oh...having the mind of an immature 13 year old. Can life get more grand? Then, there's always the lovestruck middle schooler.

"I went to Yuming's house. It was my first trip to Yuming's house. I saw beautiful Yuming. (hand drawn pictures of hearts). I played the piano with Yuming!"

Oh Yuming! *SWOON* So dreamy! Finally, here's one that's radtacular** because of the student's creativity...it's my personal favorite from this particular writing exercise in fact. Grammar/spelling: not so good...Creativity: awesome!

"I went to heven last nigh. die of cold. I saw my grandfather. I took about heven. then go back to hospital."
finish

The "finish", written in red ink across two lines while the rest was written in pencil only added to my enjoyment of the story. I think you can grab the gist of it, but I'll still translate it to what I believe he meant to write.

"I went to heaven last night. I died of a cold. [In heaven] I saw my grandfather. I looked around heaven. Then I went back to the hospital."
The End

Actually, reading over the original and my translation, the original is way better. Anyway, it's stuff like this that makes makes me sit back sometimes and think, "Man I love this job".

*A kappa is a semi anthropomorphic mythological Japanese beast residing in rivers and other sources of water which has a protective shell like a turtle...wait a sec. Hmmmm...new description. A kappa is a Japanese monster that lives in the water and pretty much looks like a skinny ninja turtle with an old-timey Catholic monk-like bald spot on the top of their head (where water was stored to allow them to go on land) and a beak. Kappa were used to explain the appearance of bodies found drowned (sometimes when someone drowns and their body becomes bloated, their intestines begin to seep out of their anus, so the kappa's feeding pattern [sucking a person's life out through their anus] would help explain this phenomenon). Also, children were taught that if they ever came in contact with one on land, they should bow. The kappa, although a monster that drowns people and eats them, is very polite, so when bowed to, it must do the same. When a kappa bows, it spills the water on its head, making it necessary for it to get back into the water to stay alive. Therefore, kappa were useful monsters to parents who would use them to scare their children away from potentially dangerous sources of water and to scare good manners into them.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kappa_(folklore)

*For those of you who don't know/didn't figure it out, radtacular is rad and spectacular combined. It's something I use so I don't have to waste extra effort on speaking additional syllables and/or typing extra letters (although, typing this explanation has thrown the "typing extra letters" reasoning right out the window [and typing this realization that the "typing extra letters" reasoning is negating my reasoning for using the word radtacular to an even greater extent]). To sum up: This explanation is radtacular!

Gyoda

So today I went to Gyoda for a...warehouse walk? Don't worry. I had no idea what it was either. Anyway, I was confused when I was invited on this walk, not knowing what it entailed, but the curiosity bug infected me, and before I realized it, I had agreed to go. Unfortunately, the meeting time was at 9:30 which meant I would have to get up at around 8:30 to be able to make it to Gyoda by that time...on my weekend. Oh well.

I woke up and began to get dressed. While picking out my clothes I thought it would be a good idea to check the weather, so I popped my head out from behind my curtains and did a look around. Sky : Cloudy. Ground : Wet. I went over the possible scenerios for how it became that way...hmmm...A cloudy day so someone decided to water the cement? Nah. Giant ape with city covering wet farts? Not likely. It was raining earlier and might rain again? *ding* *ding* *ding* We have a winner. I decided to pack my raincoat into my bag just in case it decided to rain again, hopped on my bike and headed toward the station.

I got to the station with a couple of minutes to spare, so I popped into a bank to grab some cash just in case. From there I went to the station, got on my train and headed to Gyoda. I reached the station a little earlier than 9:30, so I had a little bit of time to look around outside before my ride arrived. When I went out the main exit, I got a major case of deja vu. Was this the station I took a bus to when I first arrived in Japan? At the time, I was convinced it was (I mean, seriously. How could I forget a place that I had been to once for about 10 minutes while still drowsy from a nap on a bus from an airport in a foreign country after having stayed up for over 24 hours straight?). Turns out...it wasn't. What an anticlimactic end to a pointless anicdote. Sorry for wasting your reading skills on nonesense. I'll continue with my story.

Anyway, Kato Sensei eventually showed up and drove us near the start of the warehouse walk where we met up with his wife. She guided us to the commencement ceremony/information desk/start building where we caught the end of the opening ceremony. We then paid a small fee, got our information packets, and set off on our "journey" (旅 tabi). The first thing we saw was a "split toed sock" (足袋 tabi) warehouse. We "often" (度々 tabitabi) used the word tabi during this tabi to see various tabi.


Getting back on track, we then visited a place that was manufacturing tabi. By this time, the clouds had cleared and it had become a nice day. This factory was neat because we were allowed to walk through the building while people made tabi. A nice lady found out that I was a foreigner and got her friend to play the shamisen for me. We enjoyed her songs, then continued upstairs where there was a little museum dedicated to tabi. It had pictures of people making tabi from before the industrialization of Japan. It also had old equipment used for making tabi.


After the factory, we continued on to the next stop. What was the next stop you ask? I can't remember. Every stop after the first was a huge blur of "What is this and why am I looking at it?". I remember visiting a place with a crazy woman playing a flute, a place selling paintings and wooden goods, a place with dyed clothes, a place with pottery and a place with sake. Each and every one of those places ends up in a blur when I try to sort out what order I visited them and which building they were in.

On another note, there were a couple of places I remember. First was a building that had a bunch of toys for people to play with. They had tops (the type that you spin with string), yo-yo's, and various other goods to use. That was fun because I had an old guy teach me how to use a top. On my first try, the top got off to a wobbly start an proceeded to stop rather quickly, but by my third, they were straightening out and spinning for a lot longer.

After my top lesson with the old man, I went inside the building to teach him how to make an awesome paper airplane (the one I always resorted to when I was having trick plane competitions with my friends in elementary school). After finishing the plane, I let him test throw it. He threw it up, it did a loop, then glided for a bit before finding its way onto a roof. Whoops. At least it gave the people a show (it impressed one bystander enough for him to take a picture with his camera phone...I think. I really don't know why anyone would take a picture of a paper airplane on a roof though. I think they've just got really mundane lives in Gyoda).


The second place I remember is...the castle. I guess it's not too difficult to differentiate between a castle from the rest of the buildings I saw though. Anywho, turns out that it was called "The Floating Castle". This was because the castle was surrounded mostly by water with only a few ways of gaining entrance. These paths were found connected to small village areas meaning one would have to pass through a village before being able to get on a road connecting to the castle...making it an easy place to defend.


As the day finally wound down, the grey clouds began to appear again, first slowly, then with ever increasing speed. They brought with them thunder and lightning, heavy rain and strong winds this time. I got a ride to the station, and my arrival it had begun to rain really hard. At the station I said my goodbyes, hopped out of the car and jumped up the stairs, still getting quite wet for the two seconds I had been exposed. Inside the staion, I bought my ticket and headed down to my track.

While waiting for my train, I witnessed some unfortunate people on the platform across from mine. Without any major structure to block the wind and rain, a couple and another person valiantly attempted to get out of the elements. At this point, the wind was at its strongest, blowing the rain nearly horizontally. The couple shared an umbrella (which the wind was in the process of ravaging) while the lone soul pressed forward in their short sleeved shirt. I couldn't help but laugh as I huddled between a vending machine and a pole as I watched their struggle. They finally made it to the stairs, albeit not unscathed. All three of them were dripping fresh rainwater. Man, this country has crazy weather.

So, yeah...that's my trip to Gyoda. I was fortunate enough to have native guides (Mrs. Kato was born and raised in Gyoda, so I was even more fortunate to have a local guide) on my visit, so I was able to see many things I would have otherwise never seen. I also learned a few things. I learned that Gyoda manufactures 60% of the tabi in Japan and that a farming town can be called a "Hyakumangoku". I learned that old men can be exellent teachers in the way of the top and that it can be normal to have a castle across the street from your elementary school. Some of the things I did and learned in Gyoda were boring and some were interesting, but all added to my experiences in Japan which is good.

Oh yeah. Just as a sidenote, did I mention that I the other day I was riding my new bike, the "EXPLWORA", back from school and *WHAM*. I get hit by a car...ahhhhhhhh...such a great feeling. Anyway, I've got almost no visible mark to prove I was hit because, thank goodness, I was allowed to play soccer as a child, which helped improve my balance and reaction time and also taught me how to fall when getting hit unexpectedly. I was also able to land without destroying my laptop which was in my backpack. *Phew* My bike, on the other hand, didn't have such an experience as a child, so it came out of the crash with two crooked wheels, a bent seat (until I bent it back into shape) and a bunch of scratches. The driver gave me some money to help fix it, but unfortunately I'm much to lazy to go get it fixed, soooooooo...I'm back on the Captain Stag. Woot!

How about this one. I recently burned my lips while trying to get the remaining marshmallow off of the fork that had just been used to toast it? How'd that story go? Let's see. I cooked the marshmallow, pulled it off, ate it, then noticed some had been left on the fork. I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be smart of me to get that bit of marshmallow off of the fork before it hardens? And if I eat it off the fork, what a delicious cleaning I will have performed". Feeling rather proud of myself for having come up with such a brilliant plan, I popped the fork into my mouth...but decided to remove it when I heard something begin to sizzle. What could have been sizzling you ask? My lips? That's right. The fork was still hot enough from the toasting session that it blistered the insides of my lips. Woot! I'm very not smart.

Smooches!

Big Update

Ok. So there is a huge new development in my life. Anyone reading this should probably brace themselves. 1.....2.....3.....Did you psyche yourself up for this big news? Here it goes. Wait...If I tell you the big news first, everything you read after will be super boring. Let me give you an update on my everyday life first.

I've kinda fallen into a routine so I haven't really had anything all that exciting to talk about. During the weekdays, I work, buy groceries, sleep, cook, watch movies, walk around, play soccer, and sleep some more. On the weekends I will go out or stay in. Sometimes I'll go shopping, sometimes I won't. You know...a routine.

Anyway, I've begun to get used to my new school, Nishi Junior High (西中学校) (junior high = chuugakkou [chu]) ). It's a bit further than my previous school and the weather is getting hotter, so I've become a bit of a sweat monster again, but hey, that's life. Nishi-chu is the smallest of Kitamoto's junior highs and is about half the size of my previous school. In one week, I can teach each class two times while at other schools I would teach each class once a week or less on average. That's good because I am able to interact the students on a regular basis and can get to know them better.

Along with my new middle school, I have two new elementary schools: Ishito Elementary (石戸小学校) and Sakae Elelmentary (栄小学校) (elementary school = shougakkou [sho]). Both are nice and both are small. Sakae-sho is actually the smallest elementary school in Kitamoto. It has a whopping total of nine classes. First through fifth grade all have two classes and sixth has one. To give you a comparison, my previous elementary schools had no fewer than three classes per grade and often had four classes per grade. In two visits I would generally teach two grades. By contrast, in two visits to Sakae-sho, I teach the whole school.

On a different subject, I had a recent breakthrough with my Japanese studies. I discovered a function on my computer that allows me to write kanji with my mouse. Then, the computer gives me various possibilities for the kanji I drew. I can then select the appropriate one and place it in a Japanese dictionary program I have and *PRESTO*...I've got a direct input kanji translator! Now I can read a bunch of things that I couldn't before which is super convenient.

Now things I've done...hmmm. The other day, Caroline and I cooked for the Yonedas, their daughter and her friends during Golden Week*. Caroline made a turkey with rosemary and stuffing and I made three cheese mashed potatoes and white wine gravy. The meal turned out pretty well and everyone enjoyed eating it...with chopsticks. I'm sure I've eaten turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing with chopsticks before, but Caroline got a real kick out of it.

In other food news, I've recently picked up the knowledge of beer battering, so I now enjoy such luxuries as beer battered fish and chips and fish tacos (with white sauce). Unfortunately for the tacos, I don't know how to make a good pepper sauce yet and I have to use the only corn tortillas that are availabe to me and...well...they're not anything like corn tortillas. They're more like really weird flour tortillas. But hey, who cares? I'm eating tacos!

I also went to Harajuku during Golden Week and...umm...it was crowded to say the least. It took me about 15 minutes to get out of the station after getting off the train. I was supposed to meet Jen and her friend Shingo there, but when I called her, I just got a message that the person I was calling was in an area with no service. I decided to walk about for a bit and enjoy the varous shops and sights.

After a while, Jen finally got a hold of me (her phone died so she had to charge it in some random outlet in a store) and I went to meet her. She and Shingo took me into Yoyogi Park and we started making fun of the various things going on. First there were the Japanese greasers dancing. Then there were various bands playing. Next, a freestyle rapper...who was soooooooooooooo bad I had to laugh. All of this was on the way to the park.

In the park there were all kinds of people. There were people playing soccer, people playing frisbee, people juggling, people doing hacky sack, people walking their pets, people playing music, people having drinking parties, people playing limbo and finally there were people riding their bikes...one of whom rod his bike into the lake...wha?

Anyway, Caroline came out to meet us and we walked to Shibuya to go eat. Shingo took us to a restaurant that was high up in a building and had an outside patio for dining. It was a bit cold and windy, but we had a nice little meal with a good view of the city. After the meal we broke off and went to our respective destinations.

Let's see...what else...I went to a concert last night at a skeezy hole in the wall punk club. The whole place reeked of cigarettes and the floor was so sticky that if you stood in one place for too long, you would have to pull reasonably hard to get your foot off the floor. Also, the club had a crazy owner who would just walk up to random people and kiss them on the lips. Luckly I was warned of this before meeting him and I was born with a strong neck because when I had my encounter with him I was fully prepared to escape...and fortunately did without incident. Phew! Anyway, the show was alright in a weird sort of 40 year old hardcore band followed by punk girl cover band sort of a way. My ears are still a bit messed up from the show.

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for...without further ado, my big story...my huge, life-changing news. I FOUND A MASKED WRESTLER TOILET SEAT COVER AND FLOOR MAT!!!! How awesome is that? I've never been so sure about a purchase before. I mean, look at it (check the attachments for a picture)! How could I pass it up? The answer...I couldn't.

Not quite as exciting as the toilet seat cover/floor mat combo, but exciting none the less, is my new bike. I decided that it was time for me to get a normal, adult sized bike to ride. I still have the Captain Stag (how could I get rid of it?) and now I've added the "Explwora" to my happy bicycle family. I bought it because it was super cheap and the right size...the super awesome name was just an added bonus that was noticed after the purchase. I was always taught that Explwora was spelled Explorer. Oh well...seems like my education was a waste...or that fortune shines brightly on me for buying bikes with weird names.


*Golden Week is a time when Japan has around 4 national holidays within a very close span of time and everyone generally gets 4-5 days off work. It's a horrible time to travel because all the prices go up, the roads get crowded, and the banks close. But it's a nice time to sit about and relax.