The Battle of the Carrots

So Caroline decided to buy some carrots just because they were extremely long. We ended up playing with them like they were swords until we began to use them as whips. That's right. Really long carrots used as whips. And let me tell you. They freakin' hurt. These battles continued for a few days until we broke them in The Great Carrot Battle.


Basically this is what happened. Caroline grabbed a carrot and whipped me (I think I tickled her a lot to spark that reaction). I hopped up and readily accepted her challenge by grabbing another of the freakisly lengthy carrots. We began the whipping battle, and things seemed grim for me. I was wearing a regular t-shirt and some warm up pants. Caroline, on the other hand, was wearing jeans and a thick winter hapi coat. Luckly, Caroline's armor didn't go to her hands which were my prime target. I wacked them repeatedly until I could feint an attack to the hand and then get a good whip on the leg. Ha ha ha.

She ended up breaking a couple of carrots on various parts of my body and I kept wacking her in the hand or leg with the super elastic carrot until we eventually called a truce (*cough* she gave up *cough*), and thus the battle ended. It resulted in various welts all over our arms and legs.

This is nothing compared to the Great Belt Fights of '01.

Frozen Golf

I went golfing with the Yonedas again and it was "COLD". By COLD I don't mean "kinda cold, whatever", I mean "HOLY CRAP I'M FREEZING AND THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN SNOW FALL, AND IT'S FALLING HORIZONTALLY BECAUSE THERE'S A WIND IS SO STRONG" cold. The greens were also difficult to land because they were FROZEN. That's about all I can remember from the golf outing. Blegh!

Disneyland in Japan

Didneydand!

So this winter break I was afforded the opportunity to visit the happiest place in Japan...TOKYO DISNEYLAND! Actually, it wasn't all that happy...unless crowds of people, long lines, and overpriced merchandise makes you happy. Then it's probably one of the happiest places in the universe. I got to enjoy it with Caroline, Noriko (one the Japanese teachers from her company) and her two daughters.

They wouldn't let me in the picture because they thought I was a total boar.

Tokyo Disney was a serious blast from the past. It was a lot like Disneyland in Aneheim was before all of the recent updates. One major surprise was the existance of the Swiss Family Robinson's Tree House! Not the crappy Tarzan's Tree House that Aneheim now has, but the old Swiss Family Robinson's one from my childhood! Woot!

Let's use our heads to guage how big these monsters' anuses are...

Another fun thing was getting to see the anamatronic characters speak and sing in Japanese. Splash Mountain had the whole Zip A Dee Do Da song in Japanese. Cool. Strangely, there was actually a lot of English too. A train on which visitors could ride would announce that it would be leaving in English before it was announced in Japanese. Also, the pirates on the Pirates of the Carribbean ride spoke English too. The voice that narrated the story was in Japanese though.

Gettin' some beaver after splash mountain.

Anyways, our group had a fun time wandering around Disneyland looking at the various sights. It was Caroline's first time going to Disneyland. I think it may have been the first time for all of us to visit Tokyo Disney. It was a wonderful role reversal being the total foreigner in Disneyland. We took lots of pictures of us doing random stuff. All in all, it was quite a fun time.

The maturity really shines through.

Fisausages...uuughhhhh...

Yeah...so I'm not sure exactly when this happened...I think it's my mind's self-defense against the vile and cruel FISAUSAGE! Now, you may ask yourself, "What is a fisausage?". Well, do not fear. The fisausage package describes it for the consumer in diagram form.

It seemed so delicious in theory.

So yes. That is the fisausage. MMMMmmmmmm....so delicious. Actually, it's much worse than the picture implies. Thinking about it makes my stomach turn a little. Let's just say that Caroline and I had a $10 bet that I couldn't eat 4 fisausages and let's also say that I can eat lots of really messed up things. These? I could only get through 1 and a half of these lovely snacks. Ughhh...blegh. While I was eating the second stick, Caroline began to make fun of me, so I proceeded to take a big bite, chew it, and rub it around her lips and cheeks. How you like that sukka?!? Word.

This picture perfectly describes my first impression of the fisausage.

3/4 of the way down and the taste doesn't get any better.

The Loft for Christmas

It's Christmas, and what is there to do? Yeah. Let's go to Omiya. It's got the Loft.

For all who don't know, the Loft is a super department store type thing that has almost everything. I am not exaggerating too much when I say that either. Some things it has include the practical (kitchen knives, couches, beds, blankets), the hygenic (soap, shampoo, toilet paper), and the ridiculous (giant fake hammers, takoyaki hats, tanuki* costumes [complete with gigantic testicles], breast shaped erasers).

Anyway, Caroline and I browsed the 7 or 8 floors it had and taunted eachother with various objects and made fun of various people before we went to a restaurant and shared a calzone. While waiting, we played bowling with a miniature set she bought at my local recycle shop. It was not fun.
(T_T) ハハハハハ！


*raccoon

Daiso Christmas Eve

Let's see. How to lay this one out. Daiso*: buying crap. Recycle Shop: buying crap. Apartment: enjoying crap.

A dollar store angel...better get one at a real store.

A dollar store hippie...better not touch the filthy bastard.
(check out the sweet Christmas tree)

Hat, braids, wings and handkerchief...all Daiso.

*a Daiso is Japan's equivilant to a 99cent store where everything is 105yen.

Touring around Gunma

On Friday (the 22nd), right after work, I headed out to Gunma to meet up with Caroline. I don't remember what we did, but I know we eventually ended up going to a really good Brazilian food place. I neither know how to describe the food, nor wish to try because just thinking of it is making my mouth water, so describing it in detail would be painful. Let's just say it was really really really really good.

After the Brazilian food, we headed back to the station. Unfortunately, we missed the train by a few minutes, so we had some time to kill before the next one would arrive. We took this time to stamp our faces with the giant stamp people use to mark where they've traveled. I'm sure we looked quite ridiculous.

Evenutally, the train came and we headed back to Kiryu*. That ride was full of shenanigans which culminated in me becoming my alter ego. The stamps we had applied looked like blush, so my transformation would be easily completed. It was the perfect time to become Gay Hitler. I made a hitler moustache out of an old train ticket and some gum, and VUALA! Presto chango!...enjoy the picture.

The next day we headed back to Kitamoto. I had to carry around a chair that looked like a giant computer key that says "sit". It was one of my Christmas gifts from Caroline, and we had to transport it from Gunma...a two hour train ride away from Kitamoto. Before we left Kiryu, we met up with one of Caroline's coworkers and her two daughters at Denny's. There, I was encouraged to act behave like a child. Apparently Caroline's coworker found my immaturity so endearing she planned a trip to Tokyo Disneyland for all of us.

Eventually we left Denny's and said our goodbyes, then continued to the station to catch a train to Kitamoto. The ride was more interesting than normal because we were looking after a gigantic computer key. I was also introduced to the refreshing aroma of fisausages on this trip. Mmmmmm....yum. When we got back to Kitamoto, I saw a bunch of my students who gave me the WTF? look. I'm sure they think I'm crazy.

*as a sidenote, saying Kiryu sounds just like "kill you", so it's fun to say to people, "I'm going to Kiryu" and see if they react like you threatened their life.

The Haircut

So yeah. I figured it was about time. My hair was getting long and unruley, so I let Caroline cut it. Round one involved a trim around the back and a little bit of ear stabbing. The end result would please any man of the cloth traveling with a conquistador. It was a semi-perfect bowl. Woot! After laughing at it for a while, we moved on to round two.Round two involved some serious bowl cleaning. She ended up trimming enough hair for us to play Super Mario Bros. with. I also ate a lot of my own hair. How awesome. Anyway, maybe I should wear a fake moustache to go with my fake glasses from now on. Woot! Woot!

Bike Crash...Again?!?

Today I got in a bicycle crash with one of my students. Kinda. Actually, it was more like I ran the poor kid over and then scraped the skin off part of my hand while he just got run over. This time, the bicycle accident wasn't my fault though. I was riding my bike straight and he was popped out from a sidestreet to the main road. It didn't help that I was riding my bike as fast as I could, because when he came outta nowhere, I couldn't dodge him. Anyway, I ended up crumpling certain accessories on his bike and then sliding an extra couple, five, ten feet before finally stopping. The good news is that I was able to protect my laptop. The bad news is that I landed on the same hip I bruised yesterday playing soccer. Oh well. Cest la vie. I guess it's better to bruise the same one worse and still have one to lay on when I'm sleeping. Anyway, my body has new bruises, scratches and cuts that hurt. I guess that means I'm still alive, and being alive is good.
After the crash, I bent back pieces of the student's bike so that his tire could move again. I also asked him to use my phone to call the school to tell them that I would be late, but the school decided to send someone to pick us up. We waited for a little while until the Kyoto Sensei (assistant principal) showed up with his van. We threw in our bikes and got a ride to school. Good times.

Kawaguchi Symphony Orchestra, Ode to Joy

On Saturday, I went out shopping for a lamp for my livingroom. I decided to inflate my bicycle tires before the trek, and was pleasantly surprised by how much easier it was to ride. Caroline came over at 20:00 and we went to Omiya together for Tomoe and Joel's joint birthday/farewell party. We paid 3500 yen for a three hour all you can drink/all you can eat deal at the bar. That's right around the cost for five or six beers, aka, a good friggin' deal.

Anyway, the night consisted of Caroline collected orgasm faces with her camera, girls making out (not really), champaign bottle erectile disfunction (with orgasm faces), champaign bottle rectal violation, and gay prom pictures. Oh yeah. It also included eating a bunch of food and drinking a bunch of booze. Then, just as the party started to take off, Caroline and I snuck out to catch the last train back to Kitamoto. Woot*!












On Sunday, Caroline and I went to go see Jen play violin with the Kawaguchi Symphony Orchestra. They played Beetoven's Ninth Symphony, so the concert was full of familiar music. We got to gawk at the only gigantic white girl in the orchestra; completed with brown shoes and all (Everyone was dressed in all black, even Jen, so she was in all black with light brown shoes. It's funny because she can't find shoes that fit her in this country, so she just looked like she doesn't know how to dress. Ha ha ha ha).

After the symphony, Caroline and I returned to Kitamoto to get everything ready to have the Yonedas over for dinner. Caroline made a really good chicken soup, and I cleaned up the apartment. We got everything ready just before they arrived. Then we had a nice dinner, a nice English lesson, and a nice Japanese lesson. All and all it was fun and delicious.

*Woot! is a D&D term for "Wow! Loot!"**. What kickassery.

**Credit for the "Wow! Loot!" discovery goes to my younger brother Jonathan***.

***Jonathan is typically a name for douchebags, and my brother is not an acception. Ha ha ha.

Gaywads of the World...UNITE!

Mature Conversations Between Genei

Jeremy
check out How I Became the Bomb!* because I think you'll like them because they're pretty much awesomer than everything. Not really, but they're damn good and in one song they use the word australopithecine.

Joe
This band is sweet. I like them so far. You should email me all their songs… I think they have a mini album that has like 7 tracks from what I looked up…anyways…you’re gay



PS you really are a gay

Jeremy
like i have their whole album...wait...i do....ok

Jeremy
I'm only sending these in hopes of getting some sweet action from you, America's #1 he-bitch, Joseph Uggibagooie. I hear your last name is an onomatopoeia for the sounds you make while getting it on with your Brazilian lover Raul. Sexy. Gay hole!

Joe
Onomatopoeia - 10 cool points for using that 5 dollar word

Jeremy
I'd rather have $5. Your cool points aren't worth shit. Once I tried to redeem them for a new yo-yo and the store clerk laughed in my face. I was sad, and from that day I swore revenge on you!

Joe
Yes.. .well don’t tell anyone else about my cool points fraud. If the word gets out I wont be able to use them for trade.

Jeremy
Ok. Just make sure you give it to Raul really good once for me.

Joe
Raul is gentle… and don’t tell me what to do

Jeremy
You can't tell him, but Raul confided in me that he's growing increasingly bored with your "gentle caresses and timid penetration". I'm just trying to save your relationship.

Joe
You’re a good friend. Thanks. But your** still extremely homosexual. And not just homosexual… you’re homo-gay. By the by, why you talking to Raul behind my back you floozy..

Jeremy
He told me if he trained me I could get the title of "superhead".

Jeremy
By the way. I just got done teaching a class, and one of the characters in an English exercise was named Dick. I laughed when I read it.

*Special thanks to Caroline for introducing them to me.
**It's "you're (which stands for 'you are')" not "your" dipshit! Ha ha ha ha. What can I expect from a filthy Egyptian immigrant? Just kidding Joe. You got it write more times than most people do.

The World Honors a Tetris Pioneer

Two posts in one day? This is too awesome to pass up. I've always told people I was good at packing stuff because I played a lot of tetris as a kid. It's true. Also, Caroline has recently gotten me looking at The Perry Bible Fellowship comics again. My little brother was the first to show me them, but I had forgotten about them ever since I got a new computer. At first read, this paragraph seems to have no direction, and the first idea doesn't seem to have anything to do with the second. Well folks, just read this and understand.


What are the odds of that? I'd put them somewhere between "way sweet" and "radtacular". Make sure to check the website for a bunch of other funny comics.

Gift Giving: 101

Epiphany

I've recently come to the conclusion that the best present to give a child (or an adult with the mind of a child) is any awesome toy that requires batteries to be fun. There's a trick to giving a gift like this though. If it comes with batteries installed, you must carefully open the package and take them out. If not, your work is already done for you. After the power removal is over, you must buy batteries that are the incorrect size. Wrap these as well. When it's gift giving time, give them the toy first. Let them unwrap it and go through the full range of emotions.

Joy: Check out this awesome battery powered gift I got! It's just what I wanted and I can't wait to play with it!
Confusion: Where are the batteries?
Dissapointment/Sadness: I can use it, but it won't be any fun without the batteries.

After they sit in the "Dissapointment/Sadness" state for a minute or so (depending on personal preference), give them the batteries you so carefully bought. Let them unwrap them and get excited again. Just wait for them to go through the full range of emotions again. Beautiful.

Gift Giving Review

1. Buy awesome present that requires batteries.
2. If gift comes with batteries, remove them. If not, do nothing.
3. Buy batteries that cannot power the toy.
4. Give the gift.
5. Let them become dissapointed before giving them the batteries (wrapped for dramatic effect).
6. Watch them become dissapointed again when they realize you've given them the wrong batteries.
7. Hold in laughter*
8. Adopt a cat to help reduce some of the bad karma you just earned.


*If you don't really care about looking like a huge A-hole, this step can be skipped.

Goodbye Weekend, Hello Drama, Thank You Santa

10-09-06 through 10-11-06

Tonight was Caroline's friends' (Morgan and Maya [M&M*]) going away party. Since the celebration of them leaving (I'm sure all of Japan is greatful for this departure...just funnin') was taking place in Tokyo, Caroline came down to hang out in Kitamoto for a while. Before she came down, I went shopping for some new clothes and some Christmas presents. I was able to find two sweaters and a jacket at UNIQLO which set me back 1500 yen (under $15). I love their sale bins. I also bought a new pair of jeans for 1990 yen and a Christmas present for Caroline; a Hard Gay toy that she had been looking for. I also found a toy that I'm debating on buying. The name is just so awesome. Look and judge for yourself.


Anyway, I went back home to drop off my stuff, then headed out to meet Caroline at the station. She ended up bringing me a bunch of stuff she pilfered from M&M's place. I now have a pot, a frying pan with no irritating raised bumps, spices, Christmas lights and Christmas ornaments. She also brought me some real towels (hot pink ones at that!). We brought that stuff back to my place and hung out for a while before we left to catch the train that M&M were on (Yes. If you were wondering, we did hit up the Daily Yamazaki to buy booze for the train. How can you live without booze on a train?).

We met up with M&M and one of their friends on the train and proceeded to have a bit of a photoshoot. I brought a couple of pairs of my yellow sunglasses, so they wore them while Caroline and I posed with each other and a bag lady. I recall making some horrible joke about how funny it is to pose with her until we find out she's dead. Anyway, we kept this up until we had to switch trains, after which we just stood around talking until we got to our destination.


After we got to Shinjuku, we headed out to do Karaoke. We ended up going to Yoshinoya to get some food in our stomaches before a night of drinking, and ended up meeting a couple of M&M's friends there too. At the Yosh, I managed to walk into a wall while heading over to the bathroom, so I had to pee in shame. After we finished our food, we headed back to the station to go to Shibuya. Caroline and I had to wait for Jen because she was on her way to meet up with us. Eventually, we met up with her and caught a super packed train to Shibuya.

The train to Shibuya was freakin' awesome. There were people packed in so tight that whenever one person moved, the whole group would have to move. I was able to offer a few people some Cheetos, but they refused. Oh well. I did get them to crack a smile when I offered them. We eventually made it to Shibuya and met up with the others at karaoke place. This Japanese guy M&M are friends with sang Master of Puppets (Metallica) and Angel of Death (Slayer). It was awesome. The group got nomihodai (all you can drink) for six people, but the three of us, Caroline, Jen and I, showed up late and left early to avoid having to pay for nine people. Sweet.

After we left, karma followed closely, until it decided to pounce on us. Two girls and two guys walked by with purikura in hand and I asked them where a purikura place was. The two guys proceeded to get mad and start cursing a bunch in Japanese. Some mild drama ensued, then got diffused. What a pain in the ass. Karma's a bitch. We walked away, Jen got mad at me for saying she's all about drama and walked away by herself. I got super frustrated and let her go. Caroline said that we should go find her, but I was like, "Fuck that. She's a big girl. She can take care of herself". Eventually, Caroline convinced me to go look for her, and lowe and behold, Jen was walking back right when we were heading out. I got to have a good ole' fashioned "serious" conversation with her. Caroline had to urine, so she headed off and Jen and I kept up our discussion.

Eventually, we came to a consensus, then we waited for Caroline to return. We waited for a while before I texted her to see where she was. She said McDonalds, so we headed over to the McDonalds that Jen had ordered a hamburger at after she walked away after our initial argument. Jen picked up her burger, andn we looked for Caroline. Not there...Hmmmm...Jen then said that Caroline had walked off in the opposite direction, so we headed out and then found another McDonalds (not more than 3 minutes away...there are too damn many McDonalds in this country). We checked that McDonalds, but she wasn't there either. I texted her again, and she said she was trying to head back to the place we did Karaoke at. Eventually, I found her sitting on the corner of a street. We met up with Jen and the group was whole again.

From there, things are a little fuzzy for a while (I'm not sure if I'm putting everything in the correct order, but I know that everything I wrote actually happend), but I remember that we ended up sitting in a McDonalds for a while until we decided to leave (I had to go to the bathroom, but some guy had been in it for like 10 minutes, so we decided to leave). Somewhere after a McDonalds, we ran into the skuzziest looking rodent I've ever seen (come to think of it, it looked a lot like the "rodent of unusual size" in the "fire swamp" scene of The Princess Bride). Gross. We took some pictures, then set off again until we stumbled upon a Yoshinoya where I was able to relieve my bladder. When I came outside, Jen and Caroline were talking to a couple of Japanese guys. They didn't notice me come out, so I sat on a metal post and watched the conversation. I heard Jen repeatedly say, "Our friend is inside on the second floor, etc, etc, etc". I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. I had walked right next to them, but they didn't notice me at all. Ha ha ha ha. Eventually I texted Caroline saying that I had been outside for 5 minutes. I saw a bit of confusion in her face when she read it, then she showed Jen. Then they both had matching confused faces and I laughed even more when they kept looking around unable to locate me. Finally, I waved to them, the confusion turned into humor, I walked over and we left.

While we were walking from there, somehow Jen met some Italian guy. I'm not sure what he wanted, but Jen started leading us somewhere saying we were going to drink. As we headed toward these alleged "drinks", we decided we should head back to Karaoke place to try to find Jen's shirt and Caroline's lens cap. We got there, but were unsuccessful in our salvage operation. We headed back the way we came from and went to Don Quoxte (the store with everything). For some reason, the Italian guy was there. We left because we thought that was weird and went somewhere (I can't remember where), but then decided to go back to Don Quoxte. For some reason Jen kept talking about how she wanted to find a dildo.

Don Quoxte began to close, so after a while of looking through random stuff we headed over to Freshness Burger right next door. We got a couple of burgers and then headed back to the station...I think. Just outside of the station we got to rape 2 statues. One of them was the Hachiko statue that Caroline and I had been planning to violate since the lion rapefest. We got to cross Hachiko off our list really quickly. After finishing our statue violation, we headed into the station, where Caroline was able to pose with someone's fresh puke. Sweet. She said it had whole chunks of bacon in it. Gross.


In the station, we found the train we needed to take, but it wasn't going to start running for another hour or so, so we found a corner in the station and fell asleep on each other. The train finally came and it was nice and warm. Ahhhh...so good. Then Caroline and Jen decided to start having conversations that I didn't really want to hear about (Or so I said, but secretly, I did. We all know it). Yeah..uhhh...yeah. You two are gross. And you guys piss in sinks. Eventually, we had to split up and Jen took a train to Kawaguchi while Caroline and I took a train back to Kitamoto. At the Kitamoto Station, I saw one of my students getting on the morning train, and he saw me getting off, so he probably figured that I was just getting back, confirming that I'm doing my job of being a good role model.

We got back to my apartment at around 8:00 and proceeded to fall asleep and stay that way until 15:00. After getting up, we planned to go to the grocery store, the recycle shop, and the Kitamoto Central Park. Of those three things, we accomplished......none. Instead we just wasted time until we got hungry, then left to go to the supermarket. On the way to the super, we decided to get lazy so, instead of buying food and making it, we went to a restaurant to get some breakfalunchdinner. We ate and pillaged their drink bar and chatted for a while, then went back to my apartment to watch some movies. We took lots of silly pictures and watched movies until around 3:00 or 4:00. It was fun, but the bad news is that I got up at 7:00ish to go teach elementary school children, so I am writing this in a mildly to severely sleep deprived state. Oh yeah. I also taught a little kid that looked a lot like my cousin Samantha. Weird.

The Maturity of a Sick 13 Year Old

Today, I got to my school (I walked today because I don't like riding my bike with my guitar strapped to my backpack handle and almost crashing all the time) where I was welcomed by some of my students yelling, "CLIT!", "CLITORIS!", and "GET HEAD!". Crazy little fuckers. Anyway, I went into the teacher's room where I sat for a while, until I suddenly I started to choke my own spit, causing me to begin laughcoughing like crazy. My principal got a horrified look on his face and said, "Don't spread your germs!". He then asked the school nurse to bring me a sick mask. She brought me one, so I am now wearing a mask. It's pretty awesome.


Also, in one of my classes, I also got to harass some students that were trying to harass me. One was using his ruler to flash the sun into my eyes, so I walked over and used my watch to flash the sun into his eyes. Another pretended to shoot me with his fingers, so I pretended to grab the pretend bullet out of the air and toss it to the side. Then a bunch of the little shits started to imitate everything I was doing, so I started to do complicated movements with my hands to mess them up. Finally, one of the students threw bits of eraser at me, so I picked them up and crumbled them over his head. Ah...A typical first year class. What good times teaching English.

During fifth period, one of the first year troublemakers from the worst first year class (class 1-5), Tanaka, got in trouble and had to sit in the teacher's room. It's not really a punishment for him because he just ends up sitting next to me and talking. None of the other teachers seem to care, so I have him teach me Japanese. I think he only wants to teach me bad words though. Oh well, those are the words I become fluent in fastest. Anyway, after about 20 minutes, a teacher directed him back to the seat he was supposed to be sitting in where he proceeded to make another teacher laugh. The teacher ended up laughing so hard he had to semi-hide under his desk to not make a scene in the teacher's room. That kid is something else.

After school, I played soccer with the soccer club. We basically scrimaged for a while, which is always fun and always affords me the opportunity to make fun of the troublemakers. There's one kid who is in class 1-5 that I always give a hard time. But he does stuff right back to me, so it's ok. Today, I started pushing him and kicking dirt on him. He responded by calling me names in Japanese and kicking dirt back on me. Then I spit right next to his feet and he did the same to me. There was about a one minute cycle of spitting and kicking dirt before we got back to playing. I would also yell at the kids for no reason (they know I'm joking) and knock them off the ball with my unfair weight advantage. I'm such a bully. Ha ha ha ha.

A typical example of how I treat my students.

Finally, when I was walking home after school, some students asked me to play the guitar, so I got to play a few songs for the kids on the road. They sat around and we had a slight sing along before it got too cold to function. I ended up walking part of the way back to my place with some students and I got to hear my favorite Japanese noun; hana mizu. It literally means "nose water" and is a most eloquent way of saying snot.

Wham!...Crazy Gmail Ads

Anyone who knows me knows that I love my Gmail. It's true. It gives you all the options you could want in an email provider. Today, I got a new reason to love it. After replying to someone's email, I saw this little ad sitting at the top of my screen.

Gmail really knows how to send relevant ads
(As a sidenote, did anyone notice that it says, "Lets women pee like a man" instead of "like men"? Hopefully the man it makes them pee like doesn't piss his pants all the time...)

How could I not click on it? It was way too interesting to pass up. It's such a good idea that I'm thinking of investing. Like the site says,

It is perfect for all outdoor activities, like hiking, camping,
climbing, boating, backpacking, traveling, driving, outdoor
music festivals or even a family picnic.

Talk about a moneymaker...Every woman in the world will need one. But don't take my word for how good this product is. Visit their website. You'll be glad you did. Trust me.

The WhizBiz

Also, today in English class, I got to listen to a Wham! song. The teacher I was doing the lesson with was shocked when I told him that I had never heard the song "Last Christmas". I was equally shocked when the teacher asked the students "What Christmas songs do you know?" to which they responded "Last Christmas" with no prompting whatsoever. Japan loves their Wham!. Anyway, I'm ashamed to admit it, but after hearing it a couple of times, I was singing along to the song. I'm すげー　(pronounced "sugee", which sounds like "suh gay", but means "awesome". It's actually funny when there is no explanation necessary). At least everyone else was singing it too.

Kotatsu Headstands, Raping Lions, and Goosebump Titties

So, let's see what I did this weekend. Hmmm. Dududu, dududu, dududu (imagine Wayne's World flashback noise).

12-01-06

I got paid on Thursday, so on Friday I made sure to stop by the post office to get some mulah out of my account. After the post, I went to the Kitamoto Board of Education (BOE) to drop off my weekly report, then to the department store next to the BOE. There, I got a pair of comfortable pants to sleep in, a warm coat (it's getting pretty cold out here), and a couple of pairs of fuzzy monster feet slippers (so warm, so fuzzy, so awesome).

After my shopping excursion, I went back to my place to clean up a little bit. The Yonedas (my principal and his wife) had invited me over for dinner and Jen was coming over later that night, so that was the only chance I had to clean a bit for Caroline's visit on Sunday. Eventually, the clock struck 18:35, so I headed over to to Casa De Yoneda to have an English conversation lesson and eat. I brought along with me some pictures from my onsen trip and a Kitamoto City Magazine whose English I had edited (the funny thing is that they didn't fix all the mistakes I pointed out, so it is still full of bad English).

Mrs. Yoneda made a delicious meal that was a European version of a traditional Japanese meal. It was a stew-like concoction that had carrots, potatoes, boiled eggs, cabbage, and meat. At one point, I told them that I planned on buying a kotatsu (table with a heater underneath), and Mrs. Yoneda promptly began to call her friends to see if they had one they were not using. After a few unsuccessful attempts she gave up, but proceeded to tell me "if you need anything for your apartment, ask us first". They're super nice.

Eventually, Jen came over and we got her to play her violin for us. Then she and Mrs. Yoneda talked and talked and talked and then talked some more. They both asked me why I was being so quiet, so I told them that they were doing fine on their own (they could both talk the ear off a dead horse) and quietly went back to my listening position. Eventually the night came to a close and we said our goodbyes. Oh yeah. They also invited me to go golfing with them again. Sweet. Oh yeah, oh yeah. They also also invited me to a New Year's brunch of traditional Japanese food on New Year's Day. That should be fun if I can make it (I still don't know what my New Year's Eve plans are yet...so we'll see).

After that, we went back to my place and had a little bit of a jam session. I just played random songs on the guitar and she would improv on her violin around whatever I was playing. That was really quite fun. I think that we are going to go into Tokyo and jam on the streets sometime. Maybe. Anyway, eventually I got tired and started to go to sleep, but it was not to be. Jen kept nagging me about watching a movie with her. "I came over so we could watch movies. You can't go to sleep. Bla bla bla bla bla. Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla". I stayed up for a bit, but finally, my desire for sleep got the best of me so I said something like, "Fuck you bitch. Watch the movie by yourself"*. She started to irritate me by saying, "I can't hear" and then turning up the volume on my speakers. I could only respond with, "Fuck. I'm gonna headbutt you in the anus....WITH MY EYE!". I then decided to turn the volume on my computer down because I knew she wouldn't be able to figure out how to turn it back up. That plan worked brilliantly and I went to sleep.

* If you don't know already, Jen is like my little sister, and probably my best friend in Japan, so I curse at her for fun, not malice.
** Japanese doesn't have plurals for most of their nouns, so I am not sure how to demonstrate there were many "kotatsu" (tables with heaters) without making the Japanese word sound strange. Oh well.

12-02-06

On Saturday, Jen and I went to the local recycle shop (thrift store) to check out what they had. She rode my bike, and I rode my skateboard there. On the way, I would grab onto the back of the bike and make Jen pull me. It was fun until she began to have an asthma attack. Ha ha ha ha. Wait a sec. It was still fun when she was having the attack. Ha ha ha. I'm a bad person. Anyway, we got to the recycle where I picked up the remainder of their stock of yellow sunglasses and some other random stuff before heading upstairs to check out their what type of kotatsu** they had in stock. I eventually picked one, we purchased our stuff, and headed back. I had to carry the stupid freakin' kotatsu I bought on my head. By the time I made it back to my apartment, my neck was killing me. It was about a 15 minute walk carrying a table. That's not as fun as it sounds. We eventually dropped off the stuff we bought, got some food, and headed back to my place.

Back at my apartment, we started to watch a movie. I was pretty tired (I had a giant butt poking me in the spine while I was trying to sleep the night before), so I started to fall asleep during the movie. Then I realized I had to catch a train in a hurry, so I grabbed all my stuff, tried to explain to Jen how to rip and burn cd's and then booked it to the station. I got to the station, bought the cheapest ticket and flew down the stairs just in time to catch my train. Phew!

I was taking the train to a place I had not been yet in order to visit Caroline in Gunma. We planned to meet up on the train, which meant that I would have to time the trains properly in order to be riding on the train that she was going to be getting on. To do this, at Takasaki (the last stop on the train I was on), I would have to switch trains...within 2 minutes of arriving (not so fun when you don't know anything about the station at which you are going to be switching trains). That had me nervous, because I only knew the name of the train line I would have to switch to and the name Oyama (one of the big stops on that train line). When I got to Takasaki, I jumped out, took a quick glance around, and proceeded to jump on a train that had the word Oyama on it. Fortunately, it was the right train and I ended up being able to meet Caroline as scheduled. Rad.

We ended up eating at a pretty good Indian food place that played Bollywood music videos. Awesome!!! We finished up our food and went back to her place where we took a bunch of pictures, watched movies, and slept. The next morning was pretty much the same: movie, music, pictures. Eventually, we built up the energy to go out and get some yarn so we could knit some scarves. We bought some knitting needles and some yarn, then headed over to the supermarket for lunch. On the way to the super, we got sidetracked by a second hand clothing store. There she got a belt and a pair of glasses and I got a pair of glasses (the clear type with UV protection). We left and then finally got to the super.

At the super, we got a little sidetracked by bubble machines (put in a coin, twist the lever, get a toy), and a purikura machine (photo booth that allows you to draw on your pictures before they're printed). Eventually, we got some food and then headed over to her local park to have a freezing picnic. It was pretty nice because we were able to make our hands freezing cold, then attack each other with them. We finished up lunch and then got to violate a lion.



After the lion violation session, we headed back to her apartment to get ready to head to Kitamoto. She gave me a bunch of music and then we left. We caught the train and played games until we reached Kitamoto. There I was able to walk, unrecognized, by my students at the station. I guess Clark Kent's disguise isn't that dumb because it worked for me. Ha ha ha. Still Superman sucks. Anyway, we got to be violated by Colonel Sanders and ride Aslan, all on the way back to my apartment. How cool is that!? Well, we got to my apartment, listened to music, and slept. Sweet. Good times, sweet dreams, bizarre reality.