Team Pants-Party Strikes Again

I was sick this weekend (I think food poisoning, my coworkers think I drank too much. Anyway, I had riverbutt and you don't usually have riverbutt for 4 days after drinking too much. At least I don't.). Grosssssssss. Caroline came over and we made a weekend of hanging out, listening to music, watching movies, coughing and doing stupid things. She brought over some George Carlin and some Mr. Show, so we did a lot of laughcoughing. A little bit gross, but at the same time, laughcoughing is little sexy, no? She also made some bruschetta that we put on fresh bread (She said it warmed her buns when she carried it...no pun intended. That's a lie. I intended that bun pun) that had cream cheese spread on it. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Good. We also took lots of pictures. Here are a few for your self-pleasure.

Can you believe I got these glasses for under $1?

Reppin the LBSFCDA (Long Beach Shakeyface Crossdresser's Association)

Harakiri? Erase your sins white devil!

Onsen Fun (aka The Vacation of Weiners o' Plenty)

So, for anyone who was wondering, the onsen trip was really fun. We went to a place in Japan called Gunma, which is full of mountains. The place we stayed at had a great view of a forrest and a mountain. The hotspring was pretty nice. There was one inside and one outside. The one inside was hotter, and you didn't have to walk naked outside right after rinsing your body off (aka while you're wet) as the wind whips through all the crevices you never knew you had, but the one outside had an awesome view of the mountain. Also, you could sit in the onsen outside while it was raining and it would feel unexpectedly great. All in all, the onsen itself was quite relaxing. The stay at the onsen was quite a different story.

Going out with your Japanese coworkers automatically means you must drink with them. Not just a little bit either. You start the trip on a bus drinking. Then you get to the Ryokan (traditional Japanese hotel usually with its own onsen) and drink. Then you have a dinner/party and drink. Finally you go to your room and invite half the staff and drink. Too much. But it was fun.

On another note, I think I got really sick from something I ate because for the next few days my intestines didn't feel like turning the waste products from the food I ate into anything resembling anything solid. I hope that was vague enough to not gross everyone out. I was hoping that some of the teachers would email me some pictures they took with their digital cameras, but instead I was given a bunch of printed out pictures. I'll work on getting some of the pictures of this trip in a format that I can send.

Bazaar and the Omiya All Nighter

Today my school had a little bazaar in their gym. They had a lot of really cheap stuff. One kid bought a pretty decent guitar for 300yen. I told him he got a steal of a deal, and taught him how to tune it. It's a classical though, so the neck is probably too wide for him to learn chords. Oh well. He can always skip to classical solos I guess.
After that I played soccer for around 3 hrs with the Miyauchi Junior High soccer club.
During the second scrimmage, I started doing ridiculous celebrations whenever I would score (ie tumbling down the field and pulling my shirt over my face, spreading my arms like wings and yelling GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL! [I couldn't help it. I had the theme from Karate Kid "You're the Best" stuck in my head]). Some of the kids got the word "Fantastic!" from another teacher and kept wanting me to say it, but when you say it, you gotta shake your arms up and down and say it in a really high pitch voice. Anywho, I would use it when the students who wanted me to say it would mess up. I'm a jerk even to little kids. Ha ha ha.
Then again, these "little kids" are pervy little mofos. The love to ask me questions like, "How many meters is your diku?" or "Do you like doggy style?". They also like running around saying "Penesu!" and "Buagina" (they're not very good at prounouncing v's). Anyway, the point is that they are little bastards.

Later that night, I went and met up with a bunch of people at a bar called the Hub in Omiya. There were a bunch of people I had met once before there.

I got to see some sugoku kimoi pictures of dude making out with other dude because they were so drunk. Also, I got to meet Caroline *swoon*. After a while at the Hub, we left and went to the King George (another bar). On the way, Caroline told some horrible (horribly funny) jokes. Let's look at a few:

Q: What's black and blue and drives women wild?
A: Crib death.

Q: What's worse than 10 babies in 1 dumpster?
A: 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.

Q: What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

We eventually got to the King George bar and...they totally played RASPUTIN! Unfortunately, I couldn't do Russian pop ups because I got cleated by a student while playing soccer so my ankle was super stiff. Next time. It was the owner's birthday party, so the bar was too packed so went to bar above that bar.

It was pretty empty so the time was consumed with people lifting each other up and a mild breakin' lesson. Also, one of the tiny Japanese girls kept saying, "Suck my dick" and "Shut your cakehole". Good times. We ended up leaving that bar to do some karaoke. Most of us ended up going down the stairs (the "lift" [*cough* elevator *cough*] was a little bit shady) and on the way Tom picked up a pumpkin that was being thrown out. I ended up carrying it because I'm apparently the local packhorse. When we hit the bottom of the stairs, we didn't see an exit, so we had to jump over the fence. Nobody ate it which was half a surprise.

We made it to the karaoke place, and ended up getting a room with a hot tub. Sweet. A dirty German guy ate it while trying to get back into the tub room and started bleeding all over the place. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Sucks to be him. Unfortunately, there was no good 90's rap (Notorious B.I.G, Digital Underground, Vanilla Ice [I forgot to check for Sir Mix-A-Lot]), but there was a kajuzzi, so everything was ok. Half of us ended up leaving in wet underoos, and it was COLD outside. Cest la vie. After we got outside, Jen chased me down the street (I think I kicked her or something, but I can't remember) and dirty German guy and I got in an argument about something stupid he said then he kinda hit me in the stomach causing me to go into wrist-hulk mode (aka I started getting mad) so I ended up walking away from everyone with Caroline.
We spent the rest of the time until the first trains at McDonalds. Then we caught an early train and headed back to our respective locales. Tom and The Afro Aussie (I gotta remember his name) left and she refused to take her pumpkin. What a captain poopie! I'll just have to carve another awesome "The Tick" jack-o-lantern I think. Spoon!
Caroline and I went back to Kitamoto and hung out (She lives in Gunma and she had plans to go to Kumagaya the next day, so my place is on the way and it has plenty of room). She also gave me the best compliment I've ever gotten. Here it is: "You have really nice skin. It's nicer than a coat made of dead puppies". How can I resist?

Kumagaya all Nighter and Tokyo National Museum

Kumagaya
So this Saturday I went to 100yen sushi with Sean and Anoushka and a couple of her friends (Akiko and Ethan) at Kappa Sushi in Kumagaya. The sushi place was pretty cool because they had a big variety of sushi to choose from. You could order it from the menu or just grab it off a conveyer belt. I chose to go from the menu, because you never know how long that other stuff has been circling.
After that we went to one of Anoushka and Ethan's favorite watering holes. Too bad that Sean and I weren't paying attention to the time because when we thought of it, the last train had already left. Whoops. After realizing we were stuck, I crashed another table in the bar and met a few Japanese people. Apparently I ruined a triple date, but I'm super tactless, so that's all a in a day's work. One of the guys at the table lifted me up and started jumping up and down at one point. That was funny and slightly awkward. Then he kept trying to grab my junk. I don't know what's up with that.
Some point later that night, I stumbled outside to puke down an alley. Then the bar closed and Sean and I had to find something else to do until 5:10 (the first train). We ended up just walking up and down the street trying to find warm places to plop into every now and then. We met some really nice "massuesses" (the kind that will massage below the waist), and one of them gave me some beef jerkey. It was pretty good beef jerkey too. Then we ended up going to a restaurant that is kinda like Yoshinoya. The food was alright, but I put too much pepper on mine so my stomach wasn't agreeing with that choice of spice.
We walked around for a while before my stomach became unbearable, so I had to stick my finger down my throat and get it to all come back up. Gross. I don't recommend it. It was still only like 4:30 or so when we got back to the train station, so we got some warm stuff from a vending machine and stayed in a phonebooth for a while. I chose the corn soup. I don't know if it was a good choice though.
Anyway, we caught the first train at 5:10 and thankfully it was heated. I got back to Kitamoto and proceeded to speed yarf the corn soup I had eaten earlier in some bushes just outside the station (I guess it wasn't a good choice after all). Luckly it wasn't messy and it didn't take very long, because I don't like being recognized by people in my town when I'm puking. After that, I rode my bike home, brushed my teeth and went to sleep. I slept until 12:00 and then got up to go to an exhibition of carved Buddhist statues at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno.
I got to Ueno and had to find my way to the museum. It wasn't very hard though because there are big maps in English and Japanese all over the place. I got to the museum, paid my entrance fee and went to the exhibition. They had many really amazing carvings there. After the exhibition, I walked around the rest of the museum for a while. The museum is really cool, and I ended up hanging out there for about 4.5 hours, but I'm pretty sure I only scratched the surface of its content.
Following my museum excursion, I went to the big toystore, Yamashiroya, and also various backstreet shops of Ueno. The toy store is great because it has tons of really random junk that is rediculous. I love it. After I got tired of browsing, I headed back to Kitamoto where I got some dinner, read for a while and went to sleep.