Gift Giving: 101

Epiphany

I've recently come to the conclusion that the best present to give a child (or an adult with the mind of a child) is any awesome toy that requires batteries to be fun. There's a trick to giving a gift like this though. If it comes with batteries installed, you must carefully open the package and take them out. If not, your work is already done for you. After the power removal is over, you must buy batteries that are the incorrect size. Wrap these as well. When it's gift giving time, give them the toy first. Let them unwrap it and go through the full range of emotions.

Joy: Check out this awesome battery powered gift I got! It's just what I wanted and I can't wait to play with it!
Confusion: Where are the batteries?
Dissapointment/Sadness: I can use it, but it won't be any fun without the batteries.

After they sit in the "Dissapointment/Sadness" state for a minute or so (depending on personal preference), give them the batteries you so carefully bought. Let them unwrap them and get excited again. Just wait for them to go through the full range of emotions again. Beautiful.

Gift Giving Review

1. Buy awesome present that requires batteries.
2. If gift comes with batteries, remove them. If not, do nothing.
3. Buy batteries that cannot power the toy.
4. Give the gift.
5. Let them become dissapointed before giving them the batteries (wrapped for dramatic effect).
6. Watch them become dissapointed again when they realize you've given them the wrong batteries.
7. Hold in laughter*
8. Adopt a cat to help reduce some of the bad karma you just earned.


*If you don't really care about looking like a huge A-hole, this step can be skipped.